What a difference a year makes

Last time I posted I had decided to embark on a journey to health. I went through my 6 months of medically supervised diet and on February 20th I attempted to get the lap band. Unfortunately, as usual, my body had other ideas. After they put me under I went into anaphylactic shock. My blood pressure bottomed out but they were able to fix it. I woke up swollen and confused but alive. Fast forward two months and lots if tests later and I learned I had drug allergies to Ancef and Morphine. On April 16th I went in for try number two and despite a lot of anxiety, I woke up after a successful surgery! I started out at 266 and I am currently at 227 9 months later. It's coming off slowly but surely and I like it that way. I've got a better shot of toning and keeping it off if it doesn't just fall off me. In other huge news, the Sunday after Thanksgiving I was surprised to learn that I was pregnant. After 15 months of trying we didnt think it could happen so we weren't really taking any preventative measures. It was an amazing blessing that we thought might end at my 6 week appointment. They did an ultrasound to better date my pregnancy because I wasn't very sure of my LMP. They saw a gestational sac but no fetal pole or heartbeat. They said typically once the GS is over 1cm (which it was in my case) they see it and they weren't. They wanted to see me back in a week and if things hasn't changed I was going to suffer my second miscarriage. Thankfully after the longest week the U/S showed everything it should. I'm now 10 weeks pregnant and I'm hopeful that will be the only bump in this pregnancy! Not only have I started running, but I actually enjoy it. I ran my first 5K on October 6 at a time of 43:55 (my goal was for under 45 minutes, go me!) Since then I've run 6 more and will run several more throughout my pregnancy as long as I am able. Ethan turns four tomorrow and we are having his party at Pump it Up. He is super excited and I can't believe my baby is going to be four. Where has the time gone?

Every new beginning comes some other beginning's end

That song is very relevant to me right now. For those of you who know me or read this blog you know that I was going through the journey of TTC for 14 months. This past cycle I had an U/S on CD11 and there were a TON of follicles (too many in fact) so my doctor diagnosed me with PCOS and had me come back on CD14 to check for progression. If they didn't grow they wanted to start me on provera to get my next cycle and then up the clomid to 150. Well when the U/S had showed my follicles had shrunk again, I made a decision. I was originally going to do one more cycle and then break for the holidays. I did some serious soul searching and decided that I would skip the 15th month and get the Realize band. It wasn't an easy decision for me, it really is a last resort. As many people who know me know I've been battling this with everything I have and it hasn't made a difference. And my weight is probably the main reason why I was unable to conceive this time. So I'm going to take a break and get back down to a more healthy weight (aiming for 150 again, only this time I'll make it) and then talk about getting back into TTC. I will be scheduling the surgery for sometime in February or March because I have to do 6 months of a medically supervised diet as part of the conditions of my insurance. I appreciate all of my friends and family for being so supportive even though I was a Debbie Downer and probably a bit bitchier than normal too. I know that you'll be there to support me through this too, a much easier task I'm sure! So now I will be blogging about my experiences with the surgery before and after and many other things involved with getting back to a healthy me! I will be posting pictures because even though I am having surgery I still have to watch what I eat and exercise or it will all be a waste!

Well according to the bloodwork drawn on CD17 I did not ovulate (thanks two different brands on OPKs for getting my hopes up!) I took prometrium CD18-28 and I am now on CD38 still waiting for AF to rear her ugly little head. If she doesn't show by Monday I get to call in and find out what's next? In the mean time I've been sick as a dog, but today so far I'm feeling better. I will have something new next week to post I'm sure, I just wish I knew why my body just decided to quit working on me.

Doctor's visit 7/25/11

I got my ultrasound and there were a few follicles that were growing but not quite "big enough" So because I got the positive OPK he wants us to BD (baby dance for all non-TTCers) tonight just to be safe. I have another ultrasound scheduled for 1015 on Thursday and depending on that ultrasound is where the plan changes a bit. If the follicle has grown "big enough" (he'd like to see 20 mm) we will do the HCG trigger shot and then an IUI on Saturday. If the follicles have decreased, we will be a progesterone blood draw to verify ovulation and then wait to see if I get a BFP. If they've grown, but not enough I assume we scrap the cycle, but not sure as I don't want to think those negative thoughts. I did manage to lose about a pound and a half since June 14th, so that was really awesome news too. It was a mixed apppointment, but nothing bad so I still have hope.

New Hope

I feel like we kind of have an answer as to why I'm not pregnant after a year even with 11 normal cycles. We have about 99% of a plan set, still unsure about the last part. I have my next ultrasound Monday July 25th and I will decide from there. Either way I am on clomid days 3-7 and estrogen (to thicken my lining) days 8-12. At the ultrasound I will likely be given an HCG shot and at that time I decide if I want to do things the normal way or choose an IUI. I never wanted interventions, but my doc says its my best bet. Even with the IUI, I still only have a 21% chance at finally getting my BFP. That's pretty much it for now, hopefully good news in the 25th!! Baby dust to all my fellow TTCers!!

Another month, another heartbreak

I've tried to stay positive in all this but after a full year and blood tests showing I didn't ovulate I'm tapped out. I don't know where to go from here or if this is just a sign that Ethan will be an only child. I never wanted that for him, but I can't make my body work if it's not meant to. If this is a joke, it's not funny!! I just want to wake up from this year-long nightmare. I never could have fathomed that after two pregnancies in a year I would be struggling with infertility. I guess there isn't much else I can say at this point. I feel like I'm failing at the one thing women were meant to do.

Screw you AF, no really I mean it GTFO

Who knew after 11 months I would still be here? I thought I'd be ok because of the due date, but surprise I'm not! Just so lost, hurt, confused and so much more right now! Not much to say that hasn't been said. Guess I will use this next cycle to do my best to take off some damn weight. And now I am getting wasted as hell at my 10 year reunion this weekend!!!!!!!!!